When you look at someone else's happiness, do you ever feel like you want the same thing? i want what they have. i want to be surrounded by people and to be loved. i think everyone wants the same thing. sometimes, i feel like i'm good for nothing. that there is nothing special about me. that i'm brought up to this world talentless. i know i shouldn't be complaining, that i should be thankful for what i have. but being a human, we tend to desire things that we don't have in our life. i'm also scared about my spm result. i'm clearly not born with an intelligent mind, and even if i tried my best i don't want to disappoint anybody. i have to work quite hard to become smart and memorize things. that is the biggest fear i am facing. i tried my best, so there is nothing i can do now but to wait patiently and accept reality when the result finally comes out.lately, i've been feeling sick. i kept thinking about this tightness feeling inside my left chest, and my irregular heartbeat and i'm frustrated that up till now i still couldn't find out what my sickness is. i feel worried and frustrated all the time and while everyone is not watching, i cry under my pillow. cliche isn't it? but they would never understand how i feel. sometimes when the discomfort appears, i feel like suffocating and i hated the feeling. i don't feel healthy. i feel like i hate my body. i hate myself. i hate everything. i kept praying and praying to Allah and i just hope for the best because He knows what's best for men nevertheless, .i will never give up and will keep praying. i have to keep in mind that the reason why Allah is giving me this sickness is because He is testing me. Because He loves me. positive thinking is needed for someone helpless like me. i mean nothing to this world. i don't want complain about my life, and try to be grateful for what i have. i just feel as if my life have no road to turn to. no direction. and i'm scared. i'm scared of the future. sometimes i feel as if i don't have friends at all. like, i'm the only person that likes myself and everyone else hates me. i know i shouldn't feel concern of what others think about me, but i know that deep down inside everyone is concern about what others think about them. i need somebody to love. i want to feel being loved. i love the idea of being in love. i love seeing two people loving each other, and not thinking about others but themselves. like they are in their own world. maybe i don't need a romantic relationship right now, i just want to feel being loved by somebody. it doesn't matter if its from a friend, a stranger or any kind of relation. love is what i'm lacking of at the moment. even though i have so many thoughts in my mind and i feel glum lately, i feel happy today. it was a fun day. i went to the mall with my friends, and we played bowling and karaoke and i even went shopping ;) i feel so free!.... and broke. haha. one thing's for sure, is that i'll try to become a better person.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you