Its always hard to let go something that you love so much. when you trust someone, and that trust turns into a big joke. when you are having the time of your life, and that moment feels so real, that you do not want it to end. the happiness. the laughs. the excitement of life, you thought it only happens in movies. you act like you don't care about them but deep down, you care and think about them most of the time when you're away in the grind. wondering, if they are thinking about you too. reminiscing the times when you just gathered in one spot, chatting and gossiping about almost everything thats going on in our daily life. it feels almost as if they are your family. like, they just understand you more than anyone else. and now, you wonder to yourself if you're the only person who cared all along. that after parting, they don't really have a care in the world about you. you are just a piece of worn out clothing ready to be thrown out. isn't friendship so unbearable sometimes?
isn't it scary, how people change in short span of time? they just changed. or you changed. because the last time you recall, they were everywhere in your life. now, they are only conquering a small space in your heart. i hate only having memories. i want an eternal friendship. with everyone. it doesn't matter with who, i just want everything to stay the way it is. i hate changes. i don't want things to change. at least not this. its perfect to me. the imperfection of friendship is perfect to me. drifting apart, makes you feel more empty than being alone. i feel used. i feel like you we're just using m the whole time. i don't want to assume that this is what's happening, but i can't erase this feeling. and i think you also know, that i feel this way. i'm just a consolation prize. just like i always am to everyone's eyes. and its okay, because it is my fault. its my fault for trusting and holding on to people. i'm much sensitive than they think. i guess, a little part of me never wanted to leave high school. and this feeling, it will repeat all over again, when i enter university. abandoned. rejected. thrown away.