Here I am, writing on what I would call a personal diary
although I don’t think how a blog would be considered personal since its
deliberately exposed to the social network. Which is the last thing on this
planet that reflects being allegedly private. so here’s the thing: I’m pretty sure last month I had so many
things planned in my mind to what I would do after my examination. Driver’s
license, getting a job, looking up at University applications... and it always
ends up with me wasting my time like a certified procrastinator would be. I always
plan things end ended up not following the things I have planned. It’s a bad
indicator that my future life would be messy and unorganized but I’ll just put
aside that thought. Nobody is perfect by the way. In fact, I consider that flaw
as something relatable to almost every teenager at this complex height of our
life. Seeing all my other friends, I do
feel slightly envy of their current achievements. Some got a job, and even
passed their driver’s license test. This just adds up to my pathetic zero’s of
accomplishments I planned to achieve. Not that I don’t want any of these things,
its just that there are so many things holding me back. My parents (mostly my
paranoid mom) are worried that I’m not responsible enough to drive a car. I have
to agree on her on that one somehow, because I am afraid too of what might
happen. Haha, me? Driving a car? I can’t even hold and balance a baby well, how
on earth am I going to conduct a real car. Even so, is she going to resent me
from taking a driver’s license forever? How am I going to face my fears when I don’t
try to overcome them? They can’t expect me to use a bus or taxi to go to work
for the rest of my life. I won’t blame
anyone on not getting a job though. Stubborn thoughts in my head like “that
place’s too far, that shop’s too dangerous to work in, that area is not
comfortable, I want a part time job not a full time job”. This I blame myself. No
hurry. I’m not going to torture myself to work at a place I don’t want to just
because I got bored at home. I am picky and I found this peculiar characteristic
about me unchangeable. One thing I hate
about staying at home all day is that I feel extremely lazy. My stamina is
weak, and my body feels exhausted most of the time. I hate that feeling of
waking up in the morning and already feel like I just want to stay on bed the
whole day. My daily routine which includes reading the same novel over and over
again (I swear I’ve read everything there is in my shelve; minus that sappy vampire
novel that bores me since I’m not fond of supernatural events... i love watching them, not reading them... i even finished reading Peony In Love and Baby Proof and it only took 2 days) painting, drawing meaningless pictures,
yawning, arguing with my little sister, yawning again, surfing the
internet, watching tv (I do this
activity less now since my sister conquers the tv during the holidays… which brings back to the point of why I argue
with her most of the time… that bastard does not owns the tv for crying out
loud) tangling my hair, listening to depressing melodies (mainly consists of
Lana Del Rey and Birdy; way to mix my emotions huh) doing my chores and eat,
eat, eat. other than that, I have nothing significant to do.