remembering my past crushes, i was a total idiot. why did i fell for them again? its true what they said, that love is blind. though i wouldn't call it love, it wasn't. it was more of an indescribable feeling jolted inside of me, something that makes me feel weird in the stomach, and makes my heart flutters.... a feeling of liking someone so much. but its not love. ohhh, no its not.
if we're gonna talk about crushes, then its best not to say names. lets just label them instead.
my first love was in kindergarten (yeah, i can't believe it either, i was too young.back then) it was completely immature. the boy was a player, and for some reason i didn't care. he would ask me to go under the table during class, and he would kiss my cheek. oh, gosh, this is embarrassing! remind me why i'm writing about this again? and at times he would go to other girls and flirt. and you ask me why i never trusted boys. i was 6, and things like this already happened to me. but that's okay. it was a pretty fun ride for a naive girl like me. i wonder where he is now... "i just wanna know you better now.... but now, everything has changed. come back and tell me why, i feel like i miss you"
my memories are a bit blurry to what had happened in elementary school, but all i can remember is i had a crush on this guy whom i like to call "sam". i forgot why i liked him, but i guess it was because he had a great sense of humor. sadly, i think he had a crush on one of my best friend. i wouldn't blame her though, she was friendly with him. on the other hand, i was the kind of girl who wouldn't talk to boys cause i think they were disgusting. a stereotypical kid i was. i was immensely shy, but i think it worked for me. during high school, he started to talk to me and complimented my drawings. i was impressed that he noticed my immature work of art. since it is what i'm most passionate about, my ex crush complimenting about it is the best thing i could have asked for. i hope my future boyfriend would do the same. he even said that i could be a professional artist. but what i'm more surprised to was that he actually notice who i was. i thought i was invisible in his eyes. sadly, i didn't have any feelings to him at that moment. i just gazed at him, and gave him a "thank you" smile.you we're a good boy, sam. thank you for everything. "all i can say now, is you're the lucky one"....
i also had a crush on a guy i'd like to call, " monster nolan". my friends says that he is not handsome now, but to my eyes, he was beautiful at that time. he was mischievous, and is known to be the class clown. he grew up to become a tall laid boy who loves playing skateboard. he has the most amazing smile. "the light that shone in your eyes, is the first sign of the pathway to my heart." you lucky mut, go and achieve your dreams. i wish everything but the best for you.
oh boy. i'm gonna start talking about high school..... sigh, here we go. i had i crush on "eclipse" whom i sat beside with during second grade. he was a smart ass, and had the palest complexion i have ever seen. he is still genuinely intelligent up till now. i'm sorry for being mean to you during elementary school. i was a mess. i think as kids we all went to that phase of being mean towards the opposite gender. i was not a good table mate. well I've lost it all, i'm just a silouhette, a lifeless face that you'll soon forget"
then, this other guy comes along, "Angst".. i was also in elementary school with him. i never was attracted to him, but i don't know why i fell for him in high school. he just have that attraction towards female. surprisingly, a lot of my friends admitted to me lately that they had a crush on him too. so, i wasn't alone. he totally changed from the most unattractive dirt bag to a total hunkster. he was very irresponsible and obnoxious. i got attracted to him because he was a gentleman... or that is what i thought he was like. but he was a total jerk to me. at the same time, my other friend likes him too. the sight of eternal admiration was becoming dull. i had to end it. friendship is more important than boys. "i was the girl who never lied, i never lied until today, but i just couldn't break your heart, like you did mine yesterday".
then there's this guy whom i liked very much, out of school whom i'd like to refer to as "Eidelwiess". i had this fling with him, that i was hoping could last longer than expected. he speaks english, which is a plus point. he was definitely the kind of guy that fits my ideal man. he was witty, sarcastic, and he relates to the things i felt. he is also very sweet, and made me fell very special. i felt like the luckiest girl on earth. every time he texted me, my heart raced. it was.... happiness. "i’ll smile when you speak, remember all those times I was hoping for something, and shaking my head from all I have done, but you never left me.. oo-la-la, i'm falling in love and its better this time, that ever before" i don't exactly know how to describe our relationship, but all i know is that he told me he loves me. he wasn't my boyfriend, but he was a really, really, really... special friend of mine. and what hurts the most is that he left me. he just stopped talking to me. i hate it when boys easily tell you that they love you, then leaves you like nothing ever happened. even so, i'm very thankful. no matter what you do, i'm still very grateful for the connection we had.
"Blues Boy" is how i'd like to call him. he was delightful.... and had a girlfriend. but not during the period that i admired him. it hurts because at the moment i liked him, he was having this scandal with her soon-to-be girlfriend. their sweetness killed me inside. it was unbearable to the point that i would try to stay away from them as possible as i can. he was also very sweet, and nice to me. as time went by, he moved in to another school. he played guitar, and that's what made me drawn to him. melody just speaks me. "And if we could float away, fly up to the surface and just start again.,and lift off before trouble just erodes us in the rain. and we could speak, just you and me."
the next guy is whom i'd like to call, "Treacherous". i never noticed him, but then people started saying that he liked me. i couldn't care less.i knew he was an all around kind of boy. a sweet talker indeed. tons of girls was his history. he is no good for me. but my fragile heart, can easily melt by a guy like him. he was funny and outspoken. i love funny guys. laws of attraction: a man is a lot more attractive with a glint of sense of humor.
surprisingly, i thought he was quiet. but as time passes, i began to see his real character. he was playful, quite an attention seeker too. i also noticed his good taste of music. he has an old soul.... like me. all of my friends says that he is rude, but i don't think he has ever been mean towards me. i guess its just his character, and no one can change it. we can never really please everyone. for some reason, he hurts me a lot of times. i think people would misunderstand, that i just wanted to be friends with him. i am never able to have a real conversation with him. maybe one day... someday. i gotta admit though, that his stares makes me feel feel... weird. in a good way. thanks for appearing in this lifeless reality, mate."and ill do anything you say, if you say it with your heart. and i'd be smart to walk away but you're quick sand. this slope is treacherous, this path is reckless, and i like it."
"Screeching Boy", i couldn't left you out. do you know that my close friends also secretly have a crush on you? its funny just thinking about it again. we we're all gathering and had a fun gossip girl session.your name suddenly popped out of the blue, and we all just admitted. i didn't mind, as weird as this sounds i actually like having the same crush as my friends. and to be honest, i don't have a deep crush at you. you just have a way of making me smile every time you appear in front of me. you just puts on a smile on my face. you're also a respectful boy, and i know you're genuinely nice.and through your deepest despair, i hope you'll succeed in life. your appearance just gives me an exquisite aura. "cause i can't help it if you look like an angel, so come feel this magic I've been feeling since i met you, can't help it if there's no one else, its beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change." :)
i won't talk about my past relationships or people whom admitted to have a crush on me because that would just be unapropriate and narsisisstic. that is all for now. que cera cera lads <3